Of necessity, online mediation is now vital to the continuing work that we do.
Private Mediation uses Zoom (zoom.us) as its preferred application. It is interesting to note that ABC Radio National, in its recent edition of Download this Show on 26 March 2020, compared several online applications and Zoom was described as “the breakout success story”.
https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/downloadthisshow/locked-down-ready-to-zoom/12093620
No doubt it will also be a major Coronavirus success story – we should have bought shares.
It is important to realise that online mediation is not the same as any other meeting that might be held online.
I have conducted many successful mediations via Zoom. Many of Zoom’s capabilities are not usually needed in a mediation and can be turned off to avoid confusion. A Zoom account is only necessary for the ‘Host’ (Mediator), not the participants. It is critical to be aware of the settings that should be made in the program to ensure that the mediation will be successful and that any breach of privacy is avoided.
As a minimum, this should include the provision of a “Waiting room” for participants entering the mediation so that the host can admit them in accordance with a well thought out strategy. In addition, the use of Breakout rooms is available and extremely effective. This may seem to be an obvious extension of face to face/shuttle mediation. In reality, it is reasonably complicated to set up and can exacerbate tension and anxiety if the parties are unsure whether they will be able to be heard or seen when that is not what was intended.
I usually conduct a practice session on the day before the mediation with the lawyers involved so that everybody can see how it will operate and can be satisfied that there are no glitches, especially in relation to Breakout rooms and the Waiting room.
Of course, the issues I have mentioned here are only a small part of about 4 pages of settings that are available in Zoom. It is also possible to set up templates for the various types of meetings that you might conduct, including mediations. This will save time and angst in the setup process and will lead to greater certainty for the parties. The mediators ‘Opening Statement Checklist’ could be kept in mind when considering which settings to choose.
If any Lawyers or Mediators would like assistance with setting up Zoom mediations, or if you just want to discuss any relevant issues, or provide further suggestions then I would be very happy to assist.
Might change the way we do things forever?
“You have recently separated from your partner. Not only are you having to deal with the effects of separation yourself, you also have children who you have to guide through this process.”
Unfortunately, when separation occurs, parents often let the whirlwind of emotions they are experiencing take over and forget about the most important factor, their children’s emotional wellbeing. Although you and your partner are no longer together, your parenting obligations still remain and you will be required to continue co-parenting.
Co-parenting involves both parents being able to communicate effectively and if you are unable to do this from the outset of separation, you may find that it will not only have a detrimental effect on your children, it could also cost you a lot of money in legal fees. Having an “I’m taking you to Court” attitude serves neither party any benefit, least of all your children.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you may have already been advised by your legal representative that in order to make an application to the Court for parenting orders, you do need a Section 60I Certificate to accompany your application. This means that you would need to make a genuine effort to resolve any dispute about parenting arrangements through Family Dispute Resolution before an application is made to Court.
You can obtain a Section 60I Certificate by inviting the other parent to attend mediation with you. This can be done through your lawyers or privately by contacting a mediator to assist you.
Pursuant to the Family Law Act, a mediator may issue a Section 60I Certificate to a party to the proceedings in the following circumstances:
In my experience, Family Dispute Resolution proves very successful when parents attend ready to resolve their differences and make choices that are in their children’s best interests.
Michael is the Queensland representative and Treasurer on the Council of NEDA and is passionate about the work of the Alliance. NEDA is the peak body representing its constituent State members in liaising with Government and others in an effort to improve the outlook and opportunities for people who have disabilities from CALD backgrounds. To read NEDA’s most recent newsletter please click here.
For a parenting plan to work well, many things must be taken into account, including guidelines that each parent agrees to and one that addresses different stages of the child’s development and their changing needs. Coming up with an effective parenting plan isn’t as easy as sharing expenses and time 50/50. We share some important factors parents should think about below.
Children of all ages need to have stability and a consistent routine with time with each parent. This does not mean that the time shared must be split equally, but that arrangements are stable, allowing kids to build a routine. As schedules, jobs and other situations change throughout childhood, parents need to be prepared that they will need to have ongoing discussions and sometimes more mediation as circumstances change in regards to schedules.
Handing over children between parents can be a particularly problematic and difficult time if there are no guidelines in place as to how best to manage this. These details can include where the transfer will take place, by who, and whether it might be more appropriate to pick children up from a neutral location such as their grandparents house.
In most instances, it is not an appropriate time to raise childcare related concerns and other grievances during transfer, so it’s important that an appropriate time to discuss concerns or differences in opinion relating to child care is detailed in a parenting plan.
All parents want to be notified in the case of an emergency. It is important for parents to have a discussion relating to dealing with emergencies including who should be called, when, and what other actions should be taken so both parents are aware of each other’s expectations.
Guidelines about talking negatively about the other parent in front of the child as well as other inappropriate conversations. E.g talking money which ultimately causes the child to be dealing with adult issues. Certain matters concerning your ex-spouse should not be spoken about in front of the child and this is something for both parents to agree on in their parenting plan.
As children get older, it is important that boundaries are kept consistent between both parents since there is often the temptation for one to be the friend of the child, while the other (often the primary care giver) is left to enforce the rules. It is important to realise that this may have negative impacts on the child if there is a lack of consistency when it comes to rules. Older children and teenagers need boundaries so it’s important that parents can have consistency regarding their expectations.
With all family mediation, any efforts to address some of the potential issues right now will be helpful later down the track, both for you as parents and more importantly for the child.
Based in Brisbane, Michael Maguire from Private Mediation can assist you with planning the best possible future for your child.
Call us today for more advice on 0419 679 779.
A parenting plan is simply an agreement between parents about the children that is signed and dated by each parent. Shared parenting plans are developed by parents.
Even though parenting plans are not Court Orders, they still have some legal power. That is, parenting plans can be shown to third parties, such as the Courts, Centrelink and the Child Support Agency, who can make decisions based on those parenting plans. Parenting plans can have a significant impact.
There is no specific requirement that parenting arrangements look a certain way (eg, 50/50 time with the children). The law requires us to look at the best interests of the child first and foremost. This means that, if the children can be kept safe, they are entitled to a meaningful relationship with each parent. A meaningful relationship will be different for each family.
In mediation, we often see that parents have different ideas about what they think is in their child’s best interest. This is okay. Parents who are still together often have different ideas as well. A good Mediator manages this on a regular basis. We will work with both parents to assist you to navigate these positions to see whether there is any opportunity to reach agreement. That is our job.
Brisbane family mediation specialist Private Mediation explains how best to navigate the challenging area of breaking the news of a separation or divorce to children, while taking into consideration their feelings and best interests.
Getting into a discussion of the mechanics of the marriage breakdown can force children to process a whole range of adult problems that they shouldn’t have to deal with.
When children ask ‘why,’ they are really asking if there is a way their parents could stay together. It’s a natural question but it can open up lots more ‘why’ questions from kids. However since the decision has already been made, answering these types of questions honestly without laying blame on the other parent can become difficult. Answering the reasons behind the break-up may encourage the child to try and fix things, and that’s not their job.
Before making the announcement it’s important that both parents agree on what they are going to say and break the news together if possible. As difficult as it might be it’s essential that the message is delivered consistently and made directly, while keeping emotion at bay. A good place to start is something like this:
“Your father and I have decided we are not going to live together anymore. We both want different things from our relationship and have tried but have been unable to agree on right answers – that’s why we’ve both decided to split up.”
It’s important to express to children that while the split will mean some changes in the future, the divorce has nothing to do with them and the announcement doesn’t change the love that both parents have for them.
Most family dispute resolution practitioners agree that at this stage it’s important only to give the necessary details and keep things simple.
The announcement will be enough for a child to process, without their parents mentioning they don’t make each other happy anymore which can cause anxiety in a child thinking they may be left too if they can’t make their parents happy. This makes choosing the words carefully very important. If the reasons behind the divorce are because of lack of intimacy or infidelity, obviously these are not appropriate to share with the child.
Depending on your child’s age, the reasons behind the separation, and where the child has noticed signs of fighting or arguing, you may be able to be more open as the reasons behind the divorce, but it’s still important not to start pointing fingers and placing blame. This will only make children feel caught in the middle and causes more harm than good. Keep the explanation neutral and explain it’s a mutual decision.
In the weeks following the announcement, it’s important to spare children the details. This means not talking negatively about the other parent, leaving divorce papers out of sight, and having discussions with friends about the other parent away from children.
For parents who are having difficulty making arrangements regarding shared parenting, Private Mediation can help you put in place a positive plan for the future.
These may include issues such as:
Family dispute resolution and mediation firm Private Mediation in Brisbane explains that 50/50 parenting arrangements don’t always work well in practice, especially in cases with very young children. We believe that the focus needs to be on how to create and maintain relationships with both parents.
“Research around attachment emphasises the importance of stability and predictability for very young children (between 0-2 years), and suggests that they often need to be in one home with frequent contact with both parents. Experts agree that they need one primary carer at this age and it doesn’t necessarily have to be the mother, it needs to be one person that they feel connected to.” Susan Tambling, Child Consultant and Psychologist.
This idea of a child being ‘connected’ to their parents is not a new one. In fact, it is one of the primary tenets of attachment theory which explains a child’s need to build a sense of trust through a strong relationship with one parent as a fundamental and essential step in a child’s social and emotional development. As children, our most fundamental need is for a sense of safety. Predictability of environment and care-giving allows for this, teaching children through their first experiences, that they will be soothed when distressed and encouraged to explore within safe boundaries. While undoubtedly both parents are equally capable of loving and caring for their baby, commonly babies will have had more time and nurturing from one parent.
Integral to the process of attachment, babies go through what is known as separation anxiety from their main carer between around 7-18 months, and it is normal for them to become distressed when separated from that person. This anxiety is indicative of the survival instinct kicking in, and an awareness that their carer is responsible for meeting their needs. It is not until around 18 months that infants develop a sense of “object-permanence”, (that is knowing that something or someone exists even when out of sight). Because of this, when separated for a long period of time from a loved one they depend on, young children don’t have any concept of when they will see that person again and little ability to soothe themselves through those feelings. It’s important for parents to remember that for young children, time moves much more slowly than for adults.
Studies have shown young children who have been in these arrangements are more irritable and have more difficulty concentrating than other children. Young children in these situations who aren’t coping may also suffer more separation anxiety (from both parents), regression (for example needing to go back to dummies or nappies after moving past this), and confusion as to what is expected of them, as toddlers, and exacerbated boundary-pushing as a result.
The philosophy of putting the best interests of the child first, which includes the child’s right to have a relationship with both parents is something that governs how Michael Maguire conducts mediation.
Even in older children, parents who focus on their right to have 50 per cent care may not take into account different developmental needs of the child.
Ms Tambling states that “Gender is another important factor. There are times when children really want their mum or dad around and this may change depending on their developmental needs and the circumstances that they may be facing. It has been shown that children do better at school and have better self-esteem when both parents are involved in their lives and schooling”.
Private Mediation’s role as a mediator is not to advise parents on what to do, but to work closely with child consultants and psychologists to assist parents to focus on what their child’s needs are rather than their inter-personal conflict.
For assistance with creating a parenting plan call Michael Maguire at Private Mediation on 0419 679 779 and find out how we can help.
How you start a relationship can tell us a little bit about what the future might look like.
If you have ever had an extra marital relationship, it is likely that the circumstances that drove you to make those choices are likely to occur again, so why is this relationship different? We like to tell ourselves it’s because this time it is special. But if you have not addressed your issues and personal baggage, your history may play out again in your future.
The risk with evaluative and expert appraisals is that if one or both parties don’t like the advice provided by that expert then they can still pursue a formal decision in the Courts, prolonging and increasing the overall cost of getting a resolution. Usually evaluative and expert appraisals are significantly more expensive than a facilitative mediation. However, if both parties are committed to following the recommendations or advice (despite not agreeing with it) then this can be a very successful, cost effective way to resolve issues without going to Court.